Personal. I’m taking it personally. Which is silly. I know it’s not personal. It’s not like this is happening for any reason. It just is. So why does it feels so personal? I feel like I’m being attacked, called out, specifically chosen to go through this. And that makes me angry. The only one I can really direct my anger at is God. He could change things. But he doesn’t. And that feels personal. 
I can’t help but wonder Why me? But it’s not about me. But if it was about me, maybe it’s not about the bad things, it’s about the good things. Here are the good things.

I’ve always wanted to adopt a child.

I have a strong faith that can ‘handle’ crisis and heartbreak.

I have a husband who is patient and loving.

I have a lot of nieces and nephews to pour love on.

I work with children that I can pour love on.

I have a great career that I love, so while I’m ‘waiting’ I’m not just waiting.

I have dance to help me love my body even though it disappoints me time and time again

I’ve always wanted to adopt a child. 

I/we have the means to adopt a child.

I have a very loving and supportive community.

So it’s not personal. But if it is personal, it’s about who I am and what I have. It’s because I can handle it. I can handle it gracefully. It’s not about the bad things. It’s about the good things. And there are a lot of good things.